Mindsets

It's been a while since I've written anything. I started this blog as a kind of therapy to organise my thoughts and feelings about certain issues. It has served as a brilliant opportunity to grow and build confidence in what I do every day. Lately, I've been reflecting on my own growth and the growth (or lack of) those around me. I feel like 2018 was a big year of change for me with working at a new school, changing my diet, starting this blog and generally trying to become a more mindful, reflective person. 2019 has already been a challenge and it's only April! But I am of the belief that everything happens for a reason and each set back/challenge/hardship serves as a learning experience and is a step towards becoming more resilient and reflective. It is from my own experiences that I want to talk about mindsets and how, as a stubborn human, I have slowly built new habits on my road to continue growing as a person.

Attitudes and Mindsets can be Changed

It's only recently that I decided that they way I think, act and tackle different situations is flawed and can be improved. As an outwardly 'confident' person, I became good at putting up a front when I felt uncomfortable or vulnerable, becoming very reactive when people said things to me that I didn't like or things that hurt my feelings. I grew up around reactive people-someone upsets you, you yell, say nasty things, try to upset the other person are some examples of coping mechanisms I developed over the years. I have lived the majority of my life reacting to people using those mechanisms-making me pretty unlikable, abrasive and difficult to reason with. Hearing what I took to be 'criticisms' from people used to make me angry and reactive. It's not surprising a lot of people found me to be unapproachable and difficult to communicate with. This started to affect relationships with the people closest to me, so I decided to follow the lead of my younger sister and become a more reflective, mindful person to ensure I build and maintain healthy relationships with others. 

Building Good, Sustainable Habits

To start, I began peeling everything back to the habits I have developed over the years. Habits like; exercise, diet, communication, work, maintaining relationships with friends etc were in need of an overhaul. After changing my diet last year to help my skin, I lost weight (without meaning to) and in turn felt better and better about myself. Very superficial I know, but if you feel good in your own skin, you radiate confidence without even trying to. And that is a goal of mine-to carry myself with REAL confidence, not fabricated confidence that is used to cover up certain emotions. After a big American holiday over Christmas and new year, I sat down to lay out my goals for the year, developing a vision board and utilising a wellness journal which laid out each week with goals, gratitudes, reminders etc. Something I've learnt from my sister is, organising your goals and thoughts puts them in the forefront of your mind and gives you a purpose. Why am I doing this? Is it helping me achieve my goals? This was a small change to my mindset as I made myself more accountable for the goals I set out to achieve. My first goal was to join a gym to get fit and build strength. I've been a part of many gyms in the past and have started numerous 'health kicks' which worked for a while, but I never kept up any of these habits. I think I lost momentum and stopped seeing results, so my self talk was like 'what's the point?' However, the start of this year saw me reflect on how far I'd come already. I lost all this weight last year simply by cutting things out of my diet, I barely changed my exercise regime (or lack there of). My thought was, I made that change and sustained it, what's my next change? Speaking to the girls I work with, they all attend a women's only gym- Sista Fitness. So I decided to join hoping I could build and sustain some good fitness habits. I still had the feeling in the back of my head saying-will you actually go and do this? Or, will you make excuses and pay for a membership you won't use? A lot of my excuses came from embarrassment in the past. I look stupid on the machines, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't want a PT to help me because I'll feel dumb, my skin looks gross so I won't leave the house.....All this self talk is what I've told myself many times in the past. Joining this gym was so different. Being around strong, confident women and having a group of friends to workout with in a safe, judgement free environment saw me take a liking to classes and gym sessions on my own. I really never thought I'd enjoy going to a gym. In days gone by, I saw it as a chore, rushing through exercises or slacking off and leaving early when I'd had enough. It's only April, but I can safely say I have built and sustained a new habit and I have no plan to stop. Tracking progress with measurements and photos have kept me motivated, as well as feeling good about myself and how I look. This new habit has been paired with getting up earlier everyday to go for a quick walk. I don't see this so much as exercise but a chance to start the day energised and with a clear head. I now wake up just before my alarm, (even on holidays when it's turned off), and drag myself out of bed because I know if I don't go, I'll feel guilty and tired for the day. These are two habits I certainly want to maintain for as long as I can! I haven't built and sustained these habits for anyone except for myself. 

Acknowledge Your Flaws

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I have seen a change in myself  in the past year, both physically and mentally. I've started to reflect on how I communicate with others and deal with uncomfortable situations. I honestly can't understand how I deal with difficult behaviours at work by staying calm, being patient and diffusing undesirable behaviour, because in my own life, I fly off the handle become reactive very quickly. I've been around a lot of people growing up who are of the belief- you either love me or hate me, take it or leave it. I myself have had this philosophy for much of my life, learning through osmosis I believe. In an effort to grow and reflect this year, I decided my communication skills were in need of some tweaking. Having some hard hitting conversations with my partner and sister, I came to the conclusion that it IS me who is unapproachable and I am someone who does not provide a safe, open environment for people to  have honest conversations with me. In an effort to improve my own communication skills, I have begun to actively think before I react to people and their opinions. The delivery of my reactions and even how I convey my own views have been the focus of my own improvement. I actively try to keep myself calm (as I would at school with students) and speak in an even tone whilst conversing with others, even when I disagree with their opinions. My point is, it is ok to acknowledge our flaws- we all have them. Being able to reflect and grow from these learning experiences is what can make us better people. I don't believe we are the way we are and that's it, we don't ever change. I certainly believed this earlier in my life. I am certain we can learn new things from each other, even if we disagree. It can open up lines of communication where we actually listen to each other and empathise with other people and their world views.

What is something you want to improve about yourself?

Holly