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This may come as a shock to most people, but recently I decided to stop drinking for the forseeable future. A lot of things influenced this decision like: reading various stories about people changing their lives by becoming sober, accessing books about sobriety and making my own pros and cons list to help me decide if this is something I realistically wanted to do. We were in Gili T when I made this decision. We had a big night and I woke up tired and agitated. I didn't have any motivation to do anything and did not feel like drinking at all. I remembered some Instagram stories I'd watched of different people who had made the decision to give up booze, so I watched them and started to think about it. Was this really an option for me? Someone who drinks most weekends as well as a cheeky tipple on Thursday and Friday nights after work. Would I have the determination to actually stick to this pledge? What would my friends and family think? All of these questions began to circle my mind, but they didn't scare me. They only added to my curiosity.
The last night of our holiday saw me lay off the booze ready to get back into a stable routine once home. Was I realistically going to do this? I wasn't sure, but I wanted more information. I continued to think and discuss this possibility with a few people over the coming days. One day after the gym, my sister and I went for coffee and the first thing I saw in the cafe was a book called 'How to be Sober and Keep Your Friends'. I took it as a sign and bought the book. I read it within 24 hours and made up my mind. The pros grossly outweighed the cons. Save money, more energy, improved skin, better sleep, better overall health the list goes on. The only con I thought of which seemed pretty big for me was, can I still have fun sober? The book I read outlined the possible push back from friends peer pressuring and shaming me for being boring, so I was sceptical.
I decided I was going to give it a go. Stop drinking and see how long I last. My last drink was on the 6th of January so it's only been just over a month. I've been to a few parties, birthdays and BBQ's without touching a drop of booze. I'm pretty proud of myself. The thing is though, I had a blast at all of those events when I really didn't think I would. I put it down to changing my mindset towards it. My thoughts changed from, 'I have to drive, this is going to be boring because I can't drink' to, 'I know I'm driving, I'll take some kombucha and stay until I'm ready to go home.' I cannot believe how much that change of mindset helped me. No, I probably didn't stay as late as I normally would at some of these events, but I had a good time, I danced, chatted with friends and I had the power to take myself home whenever I felt ready. What is even better, I woke up the next day feeling like a well rested, functioning adult- winning! Buying a new car also helped as I want to drive everyone everywhere.
With a hens and wedding coming up in a few months, I am starting to think about whether I will have a drink or two. I go between decisions and will probably decide on the day of these events. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself to drink or not, so time will tell. It could very well end up that I have a couple and hate the taste or feel so crap that I won't want it again. Who knows. I am very aware now of how alcohol was effecting my mood, so that will be interesting to monitor. No amount of fun, drunken antics are worth the come down of feeling emotional and sleeping like shit for the days that follow. I don't want to feel like that anymore.
Lately I've been really enjoying feeling energised and active on my weekends. Heading to the gym, going out for coffees, breakfasts, lunches and dinners has filled my weekends with enjoyment as well as much needed rest after full on working weeks. It's nice to go to work on a Monday feeling rested and ready for a new week as opposed to feeling tired, irritable and residually hungover from the alcohol still trying to leave my system. Life becomes a little bit easier to manage when your mood is steady and your sleep is consistent.
I have been trying to monitor my mood throughout this process. I can definitively say I have had little to no 'low' moments since I stopped drinking. I am starting to realise just how much drinking made me feel depressed. It is a depressant after all, I should have know what I was getting myself into. I think because I have been drinking for so long and it has become such a habit, I just thought feeling low and crap was part and parcel of drinking every weekend. Well, it isn't, or it doesn't have to be at least. Since tuning into my moods and emotions a bit more, I have noticed a pattern around drinking. Generally, I feel irritable, tired, sad, agitated etc after a big day/night of drinking. I don't like feeling that way anymore, so I keep asking myself, why bother? Since stopping, I have felt happy, energised and generally content with life. It a great feeling!
At this stage, I don't know if or when I will have a drink again. I enjoy the odd red wine or port in winter, so that may come back into rotation which I am okay with. It's the thought process I go through before drinking that will help me from now on. I think I will really consider my next drink and think about how I want to feel the next day. I can honestly say I have never felt better. Having energy to get things done and feel good whilst doing them is a fantastic feeling.
I'm not sure when my next drink will be, but I will be thinking about it carefully. I will also write another follow up blog in a month or two as an update on how I am going.
Do you want to change your drinking habits?
Holly