Body Image

Body image, an issue close to my heart. Why is it that so many of us put ourselves down when it comes to how we look? We're all guilty of it, being our own harshest critics. Some of the stuff we think and say to ourselves is pretty heavy! You wouldn't put up with anyone else saying those things to you, so why are you doing it to yourself? Sounds familiar I am sure. Something I have been thinking about a lot recently is, how do we end up with so much prejudice and disdain towards ourselves? Is is social media/advertising giving us unrealistic standards and expectations? Is it the people we surround ourselves with? Is it something we pick up from our parents/family as we grow up over a period of time? In my opinion, all of these factors come into play. I am speaking from my own experiences in the hope others can relate, we can share some stories, start conversations and attempt to reconfigure our brains with how we perceive not only ourselves, but others around us.

My earliest memory of being judged based on how I look was probably around age 10. As someone who has battled eczema for my whole life, I haven't had the nicest things to say internally (or said to me) about how my skin looks. Even though it isn't my fault, my inner voice was always saying things like; 'don't wear shorts, too many people will ask what's wrong with your legs' or 'don't leave the house without makeup on, people will think you are diseased'. Why did I even care? In my experience, I put it down to feeling uneasy in my home environment because I got asked insensitive questions a lot in a place that was suppose to be a safe haven. Now, I am not writing this to lay blame on others, I am merely trying to point out how so called 'caring' comments and questions can be so damaging to a young person's psyche. When the people closest to you constantly feel the need to make comments about the way you look, you start to develop feelings of self doubt whether you want to or not.

Weight has always been a touchy issue for me. I've never felt like I have been overly big, but ever since I can remember, I've been worried about my weight and how I look, especially in summer-looking gross in a bikini because of rashy skin AND feeling frumpy was a big trigger for me. Like, I'd rather stay in the air-con with pants on than putting on shorts and bathers to brave prying eyes. Why is my brain wired this way? I am sure a lot of us are the same, which is really sad and I want it to change! My problem is, when insensitive questions and comments inevitably come, I meet them with agitation and aggression. I get triggered and pissed off with the lack of empathy some people show, especially if they know me and my history-don't ask why I have a rash when you know I am allergic to EVERYTHING! I am actively working on myself to manage these triggers because really, I cannot control what others say or think, but I can control my reactions. My biggest fear is when I eventually have kids, can I ensure their childhood will be free of these judgements and harmful comments? The answer is no, but I'll try my hardest!

As a child, I would take everything the people around me said as gospel. Any comments about how anyone (not just me) looked automatically became my opinion because I was so impressionable. After a long period of time, you start to develop internal self talk that reflects these negative impressions you've heard about others and yourself. It becomes a learnt behaviour to judge others to take the focus away from yourself. As I got older, my insecurities heightened, especially when I had fluctuations in my weight. Having close family members make comments like; 'you need to look after yourself and lose some weight, I'm worried about your health' and 'you're really going to wear that out tonight?' Masked as a 'caring' off the cuff comment here and there, I am only now realising how damaging they were to me at the time. These comments internalised and I started saying these things to myself, preempting what others might say or think a about how I look. It's only in the last couple of years that I've really tried to make a conscious effort to change the way I see myself and others. Change those negative comments to pull the positives out for how I see myself.

I feel like some people (not all) say things and make comments to either pretend they 'care' or to transfer their own insecurities onto someone else. Why do we do that to each other? Who am I to judge others based on how they look? There is such a shift happening at the moment where so many people are starting to really support each other and accept that yes, there are many different body types and no, we don't all have to fit into one box or stereotype. Hallelujah! I can't convey how insanely ecstatic it makes me to see people building each other up and supporting their friends and loved ones to just be their best selves-regardless of what they look like. I'd love to start a conversation about this. Feel free to share your experiences with me.

As always, thanks for reading.

Holly